Divorce is often a difficult experience in many different aspects. Some people come out on the other side reluctant to enter romantic – much less marital – relationships after the stress and pain they may have experienced. It can be very disconcerting when a marriage breaks down after the spouses had believed it would last their joint lifetime, no matter the reasons for the relationship’s disintegration.
But life does go on and can take unexpected, but welcome, turns, such as a second chance at marriage. It helps to go into a new marriage with eyes wide open both to lessons from the past and to the chance for marital success in the future.
Learn from the past and leave it there
Looking back at a failed marriage as objectively as possible can reveal factors that may have contributed to its breakdown. Learning valuable lessons from past behaviors and relationship patterns and bringing that insight into a second marriage may boost the chances for making the second time a charm.
Self-reflection, talking with friends and relatives, and seeking professional therapy or counseling are all ways to help heal and gain insights that the person can bring into a new partnership. These lessons can help prevent slipping into old patterns of behavior that are not helpful in the fresh start of a new marriage.
But it is also important to let go of parts of the past that are no longer helpful, including feelings of self-doubt, guilt, resentment or other negative feelings. That is not to say the person must forget ways in which their ex-spouse may have hurt or harmed them, but to focus on the lessons learned while going forward into a new chapter with a different, perhaps more compatible, spouse.
Common issues to face head on in a second (or subsequent) marriage
Of course, people in second marriages often face challenging issues related to new roles as stepparents – whether to minors or adults. Relationships with the former spouses of their new partners can sometimes be minefields as well. After all, all involved must work out delicate matters of trust and turf in childrearing.
Prenuptial or postmarital agreements in a new marriage
It is a good idea to discuss with an experienced family lawyer whether to consider a premarital agreement or, if already remarried, a postmarital agreement. These are essentially enforceable contracts between spouses that usually set out what will happen upon future divorce or death.
In second marriages the terms of marital agreements often concern how property and assets of each spouse would be distributed especially considering children from previous relationships.
