Dragging them into your Florida divorce could be a nightmare
Without realizing it is even happening, a parent can begin to engage in behavior that may be harmful to the children of a marriage about to become a divorce. It is difficult enough for kids to handle the emotional upheaval of their family breaking apart without one of their parents putting them front and center in their conflict.
Instead, children need as much calmness, love and stability as possible through these turbulent times. Divorcing parents can go into divorce with their eyes open to the negative impact they can have on their children if they over-involve them in the split.
Patterns to avoid
A divorcing mother or father must work hard to keep it together emotionally in front of the kids. That does not mean that the children should know nothing about the sadness, confusion or anger the parent really feels, but exposure to negative parental emotion should be age-appropriate and measured.
Here are some circumstances to avoid:
- Do not alienate a child from the other parent by telling the child stories (true or false) that may make them reject or dislike that parent. Try not to bad mouth the other parent behind their back. There are two sides to every story and neither side would want to be the recipient of negative characterization.
- Even if true, try not to let a child worry about an intense custody and visitation conflict. It can be unsettling for them to feel like they are a fought-over commodity. Instead, assure them that they will have both parents going forward in a fair and appropriate way.
- Avoid leaning on kids for emotional support and do not talk to them about adult feelings or concerns. A child, even a teen, should not have to function as a friend helping their parent through divorce from their other parent.
- Do not make a child feel that they must choose between their parents.
- Minimize conflict with your spouse or ex-spouse in earshot of the children.
- When they ask questions, give age-appropriate information that they can understand and process.
- And more
If a parent needs support to avoid putting their kids in the middle of a divorce, they can seek the services of a therapist, counselor, divorce coach or child expert.
When the story is different
Engaging the services of these kinds of professionals is even more important if the other parent’s involvement with the children could be harmful. For example, protecting the kids when there is dysfunction in the other parent’s behavior like addiction, controlling behavior, threats, violence, manipulation, abuse or neglect rises to a higher level of concern for their safety.
An experienced family lawyer can serve as a source of information, guidance and referral in matters involving the well-being of children in divorce.